A lot of people have been asking me throughout the years (that includes my family, friends and even those whom I disciple) on why I haven't been in a relationship for so long. The same question had bombarded me too on the first few years but considering the present (as I bind my thoughts together), I guess there's no other way to explain this but to replace my question mark with a bold period. Which declares an end to all possible ifs and buts.
Fearing this post may sound too stiff? Anticipating a Conservative Party? Well, none of these two are about to be presented in here. What I want to share to all of you are my realizations, personal discoveries and learned lessons on why I decided not to give in to relationship as of now.
"Don't awaken love until it so desires." -Song of Solomon 8:4
Wow, BIG WORDS! Yes, these words sounded so simple to my ears until I found out for myself how hard it is to obey this WISE TRUTH.
In my quiet time years back, when I came across this verse, I didn't know what to say. I felt speechless and touched by the Holy Spirit. I had this feeling of "I wish I knew this from Day 1." Yet God has His own perfect timing, not too early, never late of revealing things to us. After absorbing the message of this verse, something within my heart ignited for the first time. It was a gravity of motivation I never had before--a motivation to clear my heart of any unwanted relationships I personally desire and to start walking with God in obedience. I wanted "TO TRY" and "TEST" how I would end up but it was not easy---not at all. It took me time to allow God's hands hold this area of my life which most of us try to compromise. Out of my own strength, it was a heavy battle. Giving it all to God, it was the next best decision after surrendering my life to Him.
It's not difficult to fall in love. As we were created out of God's love, we are individuals who are hardwired for relationships. Love is free--that's why all have an easy access to it. The feeling of being in a relationship is fulfilling and priceless yet tough in many ways. This is why when you look onto your right you see couples and when you switch to your left you see the same scenario. BUT, relationships are more than these.
The very reason on why I chose to wait on LOVE is because of the magnitude of JESUS' love for me. Crazy as it may sound, it's real. Why? Take a look at these points:
1. "I said yes to a relationship out of revenge for my friends." A boy had been dating every girl in our group until we all found out. And when it was my time, I didn't hesitate to say yes and cannot wait to say "It's over!" the next day because I wanted him to feel the pain he deserves after playing around my friends' hearts. My motivation to "TRY LOVE" was because "I LOVE MY FRIENDS" not because I've seen the value of it.
"The second is this: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no other commandment greater than these." -Mark 12:31
I wanted to portray a superhero role which I have not succeeded in doing so. Yes, I do love my friends and I was pained in seeing them suffer emotionally. Yet, my desire to awaken love wasn't out of my willingness to pursue a relationship that can lead to a life-long commitment. Another thing was the value of love was wrongly communicated. It was revenge that triggered me "to love." I deceived and was deceived. I thought love was just a feeling. Not realizing, it was JESUS all along. And that I cannot save my friends. Only Christ can lay down His life for us.
"Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends."
-John 15:13
2. "I told a persistent friend that he can date me." Consistency is one factor we, women, look for. It's how we measure the degree of love and effort given to us. But it's a worldly standard that we cannot use as a basis for getting into a relationship in general. There's more to genuine relationships than consistency. We don't love the consistency; we love the person. What hurts about this, is that when consistency reaches its "maximum point" it dies down. Familiar with, "Hanggang sa umpisa lang naman siya eh. Nung kami na, wala na."?
"Let love be genuine. Abhor what is evil; hold fast to what is good." -Romans 12:9
In my case, I felt that it may be bad to say no to a friend after all the time, effort and energy he wasted upon me. Loving the feeling yet pitying the person. How on earth is this possible? Yes it is! You think it's consistency that drives love and makes better relationships? Think again! It's the other way around. It's love that drives a person to attend to all these things. The love I gave wasn't genuine after all. Escaping the fact that I can hurt someone by pretending and lying that I do like his effort but not him made the situation worse. Genuine love that comes from God does not come with standards. He loved us for who we are not for what we can do or give.
Genuine love can offer consistency day-in and day-out. Like how God loves you in times of sin and in times of repentance.
"But God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us." -Romans 5:8
3. "Let us go with the flow." Women are extremes. We like certainties and the feeling of security yet we allow ourselves to be locked in relationships with no commitment.
I, too, have asked myself on why I've invested emotions on boys who cannot cross step 1. Then realizing that I only liked what my 5 senses can perceive. I wasn't also sure of getting into a serious relationship. So in my checklist, I gave these boys an "A" for all the superficial criteria I've blinded myself with but "D" on the fact that both parties isolated their hearts from this. It's quite a stupid thing to immerse oneself in a relationship that has no goal and meaning. Going with the flow can drown you really deep. Deep figuratively; not knowing you've parted a big space in your heart for this person when you were certain you were not in-love and cannot fall in-love. Yes, I was faithful and hopeful that somehow, somewhere we can land on an island as I go with the flow but when love isn't there at all, you lose it all. Glad to know that Jesus owns these three. Because he loves me, He has faith and hope in me as well.
"So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love."
-1 Corinthians 13:13
4. "I know this is wrong. But, I like it and I'm happy." Can you highly relate? As the media even exposes it with no bounds: "No Other Woman", "The Mistress." Adultery has been damaging marriages and destroying families since its origin. But have you ever used this in a context of a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship? Liking someone who's already in a relationship is not far from adultery. It's simply coveting something you do not own. It's like faking your Mom's signature on your PTC slips--trying to cover-up for something you like to be successful with. Being engaged in this kind of set-up is not a single percent healthy for you. In all sides you try to look at it, you'll always end up defeated. Love should not give you the stress, the fear and the reason to lie. Perfect love should not make you afraid for the punishments awaiting you rather it must build-up a strong will of hating sin within you. Get out and remember that you are an overcomer! Christ gives out perfect love. He loved us with perfection therefore we are capable of doing the same.
"There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love. We love because he first loved us." -1 John 4:18-19
"No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us."
-Romans 8:37
5. "Enduring love for the wrong reasons" I came to a point of believing that (finally) I'm in a serious, growing relationship. After all the small lessons that changed my heart and perspective on genuine relationships, I thought I was more than ready. I had the guts to stand firm for the things I've chosen. My decisions were matured, wiser and fiercer. Yet one great lesson was yet to be taught: It's first building a strong relationship with Christ before connecting to anyone. I was praying for so long and I was in full faith that everything I have with me was God's will. I was living the fairytale I've only read in books until I've experienced one of the greatest pains in my life. It wasn't the good, pleasing and perfect love which I thought it was. It was a relationship that hurt me, the person I was in a relationship with, my family, friends and most of all, GOD. It was painful that it had been cut off but I'm more grateful that God's sovereignty and love shouldered the burdens I had in my heart. Back then I thought I can move on like anybody else in a snap. It wasn't easy, but God made it worthwhile for me. I've endured love for the wrong reasons to keep the relationship working. Never knew it would expire. When love envelops you in a relationship without God, it would really surpass. Closing your doors to valuable relationships surrounding you is like putting yourself to death. Love keeps you going because that is JESUS. And when you know your place with God, that you are His bride, you love what He loves and learn to walk in obedience to Him; hating sin and walking a thousand miles more.
"Love does no wrong to a neighbor; therefore love is the fulfilling of the law."
-Romans 13:10
Let us rejoice and exult and give him the glory, for the marriage of the Lamb has come, and his Bride has made herself ready; it was granted her to clothe herself with fine linen, bright and pure”— for the fine linen is the righteous deeds of the saints. And the angel said to me, “Write this: Blessed are those who are invited to the marriage supper of the Lamb.” And he said to me, “These are the true words of God." -Revelation 19:7-9
Details wouldn't suffice the story of how God changed my heart when it comes to romantic relationship. Don't get me wrong. I do not hate men. It's not wrong to be in-love and be in a relationship. I'm not even closing my doors. In fact, I'm so prayerful and faithful for the promise He has laid down on my palms.
On why I haven't been in a romantic relationship for so long is because I've faith on the things that are yet to come. I'm so thankful for the love Christ had given to rescue a wretch like me that I cannot allow my personal selfishness hurt the One who LOVED me MOST. Wouldn't it be nice to wait patiently while God writes down your love story? You've waited for so long..it wouldn't hurt to wait a little more. As for mine, I've learned to be faithful in the simplest things through this journey. Also, I've embraced to appreciate and enjoy singlehood, service, relationship with others, ample time for myself and praying for THE ONE. This walk with Christ had convinced me to be passionate in preparing, being pure, holy and blameless and just expectant for my wonderful future. My life with Christ will always be the best love story ever told...and I'm excited to unravel the SEQUEL (my love story with my husband).
Daughters of Christ, have faith in this: I adjure you, O daughters of Jerusalem, that you not stir up or awaken love until it pleases. (personalized message with emphasis)
God loves us so much that He revealed this message to us. He wants us to gain a wisdom like His for His greater glory yet for our own benefit and goodness.
I haven't been in a romantic relationship for so long because God wasn't with me therefore I'm not yet ready in all aspects. Now that Christ is in me, I will wait with faith, hope, patience and love knowing that He is orchestrating my future. In few years time I will just be surprised: On Why I Am In A Relationship For So Long...
Sealing this with love,
Diane
