On Why I Haven't Been In A Romantic Relationship For So Long

A lot of people have been asking me throughout the years (that includes my family, friends and even those whom I disciple) on why I haven't been in a relationship for so long. The same question had bombarded me too on the first few years but considering the present (as I bind my thoughts together), I guess there's no other way to explain this but to replace my question mark with a bold period. Which declares an end to all possible ifs and buts. 

Fearing this post may sound too stiff? Anticipating a Conservative Party? Well, none of these two are about to be presented in here. What I want to share to all of you are my realizations, personal discoveries and learned lessons on why I decided not to give in to relationship as of now. 

"Don't awaken love until it so desires." -Song of Solomon 8:4

Wow, BIG WORDS! Yes, these words sounded so simple to my ears until I found out for myself how hard it is to obey this WISE TRUTH.

In my quiet time years back, when I came across this verse, I didn't know what to say. I felt speechless and touched by the Holy Spirit. I had this feeling of "I wish I knew this from Day 1." Yet God has His own perfect timing, not too early, never late of revealing things to us. After absorbing the message of this verse, something within my heart ignited for the first time. It was a gravity of motivation I never had before--a motivation to clear my heart of any unwanted relationships I personally desire and to start walking with God in obedience. I wanted "TO TRY" and "TEST" how I would end up but it was not easy---not at all. It took me time to allow God's hands hold this area of my life which most of us try to compromise. Out of my own strength, it was a heavy battle. Giving it all to God, it was the next best decision after surrendering my life to Him.

It's not difficult to fall in love. As we were created out of God's love, we are individuals who are hardwired for relationships. Love is free--that's why all have an easy access to it. The feeling of being in a relationship is fulfilling and priceless yet tough in many ways. This is why when you look onto your right you see couples and when you switch to your left you see the same scenario. BUT, relationships are more than these.

The very reason on why I chose to wait on LOVE is because of the magnitude of JESUS' love for me. Crazy as it may sound, it's real. Why? Take a look at these points:

1. "I said yes to a relationship out of revenge for my friends." A boy had been dating every girl in our group until we all found out. And when it was my time, I didn't hesitate to say yes and cannot wait to say "It's over!" the next day because I wanted him to feel the pain he deserves after playing around my friends' hearts. My motivation to "TRY LOVE" was because "I LOVE MY FRIENDS" not because I've seen the value of it. 

"The second is this: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no other commandment greater than these." -Mark 12:31

I wanted to portray a superhero role which I have not succeeded in doing so. Yes, I do love my friends and I was pained in seeing them suffer emotionally. Yet, my desire to awaken love wasn't out of my willingness to pursue a relationship that can lead to a life-long commitment. Another thing was the value of love was wrongly communicated. It was revenge that triggered me "to love." I deceived and was deceived. I thought love was just a feeling. Not realizing, it was JESUS all along. And that I cannot save my friends. Only Christ can lay down His life for us. 

"Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends." 

-John 15:13

2. "I told a persistent friend that he can date me." Consistency is one factor we, women,  look for. It's how we measure the degree of love and effort given to us. But it's a worldly standard that we cannot use as a basis for getting into a relationship in general. There's more to genuine relationships than consistency. We don't love the consistency; we love the person. What hurts about this, is that when consistency reaches its "maximum point" it dies down. Familiar with, "Hanggang sa umpisa lang naman siya eh. Nung kami na, wala na."?

"Let love be genuine. Abhor what is evil; hold fast to what is good." -Romans 12:9

In my case, I felt that it may be bad to say no to a friend after all the time, effort and energy he wasted upon me. Loving the feeling yet pitying the person. How on earth is this possible? Yes it is! You think it's consistency that drives love and makes better relationships? Think again! It's the other way around. It's love that drives a person to attend to all these things. The love I gave wasn't genuine after all. Escaping the fact that I can hurt someone by pretending and lying that I do like his effort but not him made the situation worse. Genuine love that comes from God does not come with standards. He loved us for who we are not for what we can do or give. 

Genuine love can offer consistency day-in and day-out. Like how God loves you in times of sin and in times of repentance.

"But God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us." -Romans 5:8

3. "Let us go with the flow." Women are extremes. We like certainties and the feeling of security yet we allow ourselves to be locked in relationships with no commitment. 

I, too, have asked myself on why I've invested emotions on boys who cannot cross step 1. Then realizing that I only liked what my 5 senses can perceive. I wasn't also sure of getting into a serious relationship. So in my checklist, I gave these boys an "A" for all the superficial criteria I've blinded myself with but "D" on the fact that both parties isolated their hearts from this. It's quite a stupid thing to immerse oneself in a relationship that has no goal and meaning. Going with the flow can drown you really deep. Deep figuratively; not knowing you've parted a big space in your heart for this person when you were certain you were not in-love and cannot fall in-love. Yes, I was faithful and hopeful that somehow, somewhere we can land on an island as I go with the flow but when love isn't there at all, you lose it all. Glad to know that Jesus owns these three. Because he loves me, He has faith and hope in me as well. 

"So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love." 

-1 Corinthians 13:13

4. "I know this is wrong. But, I like it and I'm happy." Can you highly relate? As the media even exposes it with no bounds: "No Other Woman", "The Mistress." Adultery has been damaging marriages and destroying families since its origin. But have you ever used this in a context of a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship? Liking someone who's already in a relationship is not far from adultery. It's simply coveting something you do not own. It's like faking your Mom's signature on your PTC slips--trying to cover-up for something you like to be successful with. Being engaged in this kind of set-up is not a single percent healthy for you. In all sides you try to look at it, you'll always end up defeated. Love should not give you the stress, the fear and the reason to lie. Perfect love should not make you afraid for the punishments awaiting you rather it must build-up a strong will of hating sin within you. Get out and remember that you are an overcomer! Christ gives out perfect love. He loved us with perfection therefore we are capable of doing the same. 

"There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love. We love because he first loved us." -1 John 4:18-19

"No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us." 

-Romans 8:37

5. "Enduring love for the wrong reasons" I came to a point of believing that (finally) I'm in a serious, growing relationship. After all the small lessons that changed my heart and perspective on genuine relationships, I thought I was more than ready. I had the guts to stand firm for the things I've chosen. My decisions were matured, wiser and fiercer. Yet one great lesson was yet to be taught: It's first building a strong relationship with Christ before connecting to anyone. I was praying for so long and I was in full faith that everything I have with me was God's will. I was living the fairytale I've only read in books until I've experienced one of the greatest pains in my life. It wasn't the good, pleasing and perfect love which I thought it was. It was a relationship that hurt me, the person I was in a relationship with, my family, friends and most of all, GOD. It was painful that it had been cut off but I'm more grateful that God's sovereignty and love shouldered the burdens I had in my heart. Back then I thought I can move on like anybody else in a snap. It wasn't easy, but God made it worthwhile for me. I've endured love for the wrong reasons to keep the relationship working. Never knew it would expire. When love envelops you in a relationship without God, it would really surpass. Closing your doors to valuable relationships surrounding you is like putting yourself to death. Love keeps you going because that is JESUS. And when you know your place with God, that you are His bride, you love what He loves and learn to walk in obedience to Him; hating sin and walking a thousand miles more. 

"Love does no wrong to a neighbor; therefore love is the fulfilling of the law." 

-Romans 13:10

Let us rejoice and exult and give him the glory, for the marriage of the Lamb has come, and his Bride has made herself ready; it was granted her to clothe herself with fine linen, bright and pure”— for the fine linen is the righteous deeds of the saints. And the angel said to me, “Write this: Blessed are those who are invited to the marriage supper of the Lamb.” And he said to me, “These are the true words of God." -Revelation 19:7-9

Details wouldn't suffice the story of how God changed my heart when it comes to romantic relationship. Don't get me wrong. I do not hate men. It's not wrong to be in-love and be in a relationship. I'm not even closing my doors. In fact, I'm so prayerful and faithful for the promise He has laid down on my palms. 

On why I haven't been in a romantic relationship for so long is because I've faith on the things that are yet to come. I'm so thankful for the love Christ had given to rescue a wretch like me that I cannot allow my personal selfishness hurt the One who LOVED me MOST. Wouldn't it be nice to wait patiently while God writes down your love story? You've waited for so long..it wouldn't hurt to wait a little more. As for mine, I've learned to be faithful in the simplest things through this journey. Also, I've  embraced to appreciate and enjoy singlehood, service, relationship with others, ample time for myself and praying for THE ONE. This walk with Christ had convinced me to be passionate in preparing, being pure, holy and blameless and just expectant for my wonderful future. My life with Christ will always be the best love story ever told...and I'm excited to unravel the SEQUEL (my love story with my husband). 

Daughters of Christ, have faith in this: I adjure you, O daughters of Jerusalem, that you not stir up or awaken love until it pleases. (personalized message with emphasis) 

God loves us so much that He revealed this message to us. He wants us to gain a wisdom like His for His greater glory yet for our own benefit and goodness.

I haven't been in a romantic relationship for so long because God wasn't with me therefore I'm not yet ready in all aspects. Now that Christ is in me, I will wait with faith, hope, patience and love knowing that He is orchestrating my future. In few years time I will just be surprised: On Why I Am In A Relationship For So Long...

Sealing this with love,

Diane 

SETTING STANDARDS

Standards: a structure built for or serving as a base or support (Merriam Webster)

In general, we often hear the word "standards" being worldly defined as "our own preferences" or as "our self-confessed bases." In life, we have come up with several standards that we believe give justice to the things we know we deserve, we were created for and we should receive. But have you ever asked yourself if your standards were at par with HIS STANDARDS? Our standards may be right and moral in our eyes but are not always aligned with how God sees them. 

Most of the time, standards are individualized. Saying so, the tendency is that these points side only one camp and that's no other than our side. The degree of bias and selfishness level up. It's certain because as human beings we would never want to feel neither oppressed nor deprived. All we want is to have a decent, comfortable life sprinkled with the finest riches this world can give. 

So how should we look at standards?

Standards give both advantages and disadvantages. To enlighten you more, here are some of my realizations:

1. Standards are not based on practicality but on spirituality. 

2. Standards are not after expectations but acceptance.

3. Standards are not proud but promote humility.

4. Standards are not discriminating but loving.

5. Standards are not threatening but provide life.

6. Standards are not defiling but result into purity.

7. Standards are not selfish but selfless.

8. Standards are not bias but allow justice and equality.

9. Standards are not a series of comparison but of compassion.

10. Standards are not ours but Jesus'.

"Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves." -Philippians 2:3

When you've finally absorbed that you are completely nothing apart from Christ, that's when you realize that standards are also senseless apart from Him. Every decision we make should lie in the TRUTH which is Jesus. We can never reach perfection because we are not exactly Jesus but we can be Christ-like in many ways with the help of His abundant grace. All we need to do is to build our foundation on the ROCK which is Jesus Christ and allow His works to set us apart from the world. When we let God do His job in us and just obey with faith, that's when we feel His organic love changing every detail of our life. Whether your standards are set for a day to day decision or for romantic relationships, you'll always begin with the highest standard of them all which is solely found in Christ. 

"Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path." -Psalm 119:5

 “I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing."

 -John 15:5

"Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock." 

-Matthew 7:24

For some it may sound ridiculous to make every standard spiritual. It is impossible when you do not know who God is in your life and what He can do in you. But when you constantly communicate with Him and practice to be sensitive to the Holy Spirit that's when the greatest wonders can occur. Knowing you are a child of God gives you the license to seek Him with no pretensions and boundaries. You are given the inheritance of a Father's wisdom and love. As you become holy because He is holy so as your standards in life become holy.

"But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere." 

-James 3:17

Standards are points out to provide structure and organization so that valuable results can come out in the long run. No matter how high your standards are, when these are not congruent with how God wants them to be, then they'll end up in a basin filled with disappointment ready to catch for more.

"Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect." -Romans 12:2

Don't let your standards rule over you.

Let God rule over your standards.

Sealing this with love,

Diane

WEDDING WISH

Just like you, I'm a self-confessed daydreamer of my own wedding. 

I've always loved wedding and every little detail that covers it. I would even watch wedding videos repeatedly every night to get inspirations or to simply cry over their vows. And more than the event itself, I am totally drawn to marriage and the life of having my own family. 

If there is one dream I didn't stop dreaming of was seeing myself tie the knot with the man God blessed me with which I call my "God's Gift." As early as 3 years old, I would tell my family and friends that one of my ultimate goals in life is to settle down. It may sound witty that at a very young age I've already learned to embrace the beauty of marriage. I may not have the full understanding of what it is yet (because I'm not yet married) but I believe that it is God who activates our "I'm-ready-instincts" from within so that we can face this new chapter with wisdom and certainty. Marriage is a leap of faith like any other daily decisions we make. I'm not going to blog about my views on marriage today. What I'm going to share are the components of my dream day.

To tell you honestly, I would want to be hands-on with regards to the preparation of my own wedding. I would love to be included in the littlest things. As much as possible, I want everything done in faith, love and resourcefulness. I believe that weddings are most successful when pushed out of a competitive budget. The price of your wedding does not conclude the over-all impact of this special celebration. What matters most is the labor done out of love that made this occasion wonderful. 

So to cut my thoughts short, these are some of the parts I would be excited to see in my wedding:

1. I'm completely torn between a beach and a garden wedding for years. But as I was trying to incorporate all details into a single scope, I've found out that they perfectly complement with how a garden looks like. So I guess, I'd go for a garden wedding. 

2. It's more fun in the Philippines and I would definitely hold my wedding in this country. I would love to do it in Ilocos if chance permits. I've never been there but I've already adored the place. Also, I want my pre-nuptial video and photos taken in the famous Bangui Windmills and the streets of Vigan. 

3. I love the freshness of white and pastels. These are the colors that will surely be showcased in my dream wedding.

4. Balloons and lanterns are must-haves.

Pastel Colored Balloons

Lanterns

5. My invitation would look something like this.

6. Confetti 

Feather Confetti

Bird Confetti

7. Double Decker Macaroons

8. Flower Head Wreath and Ballet Shoes

Handmade Flower Head Wreath

Ballet Shoes for my footwear

9. Polaroid Banderitas clipped by Wooden Clothespin

Couple Polaroid Snapshots

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Rope with Wooden Clothespin

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Polaroid Banderitas

10. Flowers

Hand Rolled Flowers

Bouquet

11. Menu written on Blackboard using Colored Chalks

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Menu Board

12. Transparent Umbrellas for Giveaways hanged on Silver-Painted Leafless Tree

 

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So these are some of the things I plan on including in my very special day if my partner permits me to do so (hehe). I hope you were all inspired in giving value to marriage (not only to wedding) and at the same time futuristic about your own wedding theme. 

Don't stop praying for these little desires. I'm sure God honors these little requests from her princesses. 

"Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart." -Psalm 37:4

"May he give you the desire of your heart and make all your plans succeed." -Psalm 20:4

Sealing this with love,

Diane

BASTA SI JESUS

Let's face it.

The world is enveloped with questions.

Its dwellers are solution seekers.

Everyone is curious. Everyone is unstable.

There are situations in life where we get involved in but never really understood why these had to happen to us. We always ask the questions, "Why is this happening to me?", "Of all people here on earth, why me?", "Is God trying to punish me?" Much as we would be glad to identify the answers to our questions, there are so many things on Earth that are left being unsaid. This is why we have to be reminded that our God is a mysterious god. In this case, we will not put a burden in ourselves by trying to search for answers we will never be able to locate. 

“The secret things belong to the LORD our God, but the things that are revealed belong to us and to our children forever, that we may do all the words of this law." -Deuteronomy 29:29

"Truly, O God of Israel, our Savior, you work in mysterious ways." -Isaiah 45:15

I wanted to write this down because I, myself, have experienced asking the same questions over and over. I was tirelessly asking God these questions but in the end felt exhausted of doing so because I never had the concrete answers in my hands. But when I've already understood who God is in my life, my perspective on seeking for solutions changed.

"When times are good, be happy; but when times are bad, consider: God has made the one as well as the other. Therefore, a man cannot discover anything about his future." -Ecclesiastes 7:14

The reason why I'm having a difficult time understanding the situations I've been through was because I didn't fully know who my God was. I was in complete lack because I placed a tall and wide wall between God and I; and these were the sins I was repeatedly doing. Looking back, I thought God was hard to reach and complicated. But as I encounter Him every single day, I learned that He's simple and practical. He only wants what's best for us because He loves us. He hates sin because it destroys us. It's because He loves us.

"We know how much God loves us, and we have put our trust in his love. God is love, and all who live in love live in God, and God lives in them." -1 John 4:16

More than the desire for finding answers to our problems, we should have more desire in having a relationship with God. With this, we are reminded that HE IS THE SOLUTION; that HE is the ONE that we should be MAGNIFYING and not the situations we are in. It's simply going back to the "WHO" and "WHAT HAPPENED ON THE CROSS."

Yes, it's hard to accept these painful experiences. But when we learn to enjoy God in sufferings that's when we love to enjoy Him in beautiful times too. 

"Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us." -Romans 5:1-3

I saw a concrete example of this idea with one of our Life Group students in San Juan National High School. We've all heard of this famous December 2012 fire that struck down houses in Baranggay St. Joseph in San Juan and the student I'm talking about was greatly affected by this. I visited and extended whatever help we can give together with some of her classmates. On that day, more than emotional and material comfort, I really wanted to pray for her earnestly and remind her of God's sovereignty and grace despite troubles. While having a quick catch-up and lunch with the students, I decided to bring out my 121 booklet and asked them if it was okay to do it with them. I really don't know if that was wise to do then since I don't want to spoil her grieving moment. But I knew that it was the Holy Spirit who led me to JUST DO IT because SHE (they) NEEDS (need) IT. She needs it because Jesus is the only one who can comfort, heal, restore and uplift her. It's because JESUS is the TRUTH and the ONLY SOLUTION. I was having second thoughts in my mind. I was slightly afraid that she (they) might refuse in participating but to my surprise all she (they) said was, "Coach, sayang oras na magkakasama tayo. Basta si Jesus."

I was rebuked. I was moved. I cannot say a thing. All I know was we did it.

"BASTA SI JESUS": no amount of difficulty or trouble can hinder our growth with Him. Only if we walk in obedience and faith. 

"Consequently, faith comes from hearing the message, and the message is heard through the word about Christ." -Romans 1:17

"In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one." -Ephesians 6:16

“Does the LORD delight in burnt offerings and sacrifices as much as in obeying the LORD. To obey is better than sacrifice and to heed is better than the fat of rams." -Samuel 15:22

JESUS > SITUATIONS

Sealing this with love,

Diane

KFC (Kids' Faith in Christ)

All my life, I've believed that the letters KFC will only stand for the famous and delicious Kentucky Fried Chicken and nothing else. Not until I have opened my eyes wide during the last few months of 2012 up to this date that I was able to realize something new. 

*light bulb*

The little children for me are like magnets. Our relationship is on opposite poles that the tendency for me is to get more attracted on what they do, what they say and what they think of. Believe me, I see them as precious angels giving me so much joy and peace. Maybe, this is the reason why I've stayed long for four years in Children's Church. These magnets were too strong, I can't let go. 

In fact, my attention had been with them for quite some time that I was able to witness their beautiful encounters with the Lord. You know, these kids, like us, are just too hungry for Jesus. We may not vividly see it because we use their age as hindrance to what they can show. But truth be told, it is their child-like faith that separates us from them. Age-wise towards maturity over things may be our edge but faith-wise the purity, innocence, sincerity and simplicity of these kids when it comes to worshiping God is truly commendable and inspiring. 

For the past few months, a number of children had enlightened my mind and refreshed my heart on how my attitude should be when it comes to my Abba.

One Sunday service, the Pastor told the crowd to raise their hands up high in surrender to God. This little girl saw everyone raised their arms before Him. I knew that she was wondering why everyone was doing it. She looked from left to right and later on found herself raising her own arms even more outstretched than the rest. You see this little girl's curiosity had led her to an act of obedience and worship towards certainty, which is Christ.  She may not be sure of what she did but the logic here is, as Christians, we should hold onto our curiosity wisely. Let us not give in to the answers of the world but rather believe that TRUTH is found in HIM ALONE. In Jesus Christ, our curiosity is changed with certainty that will reassure us of the completeness and security He gave up for us on the Cross. 

On one Children's Church service is another story. I was introducing to the class a new Bible lesson by verbalizing tiny descriptions that may serve as hints on what was to be discussed. The children were giving out their best guesses until this girl broke her silence and gave out the most fitting answer with an extra spice. She was able to tell the title of the Bible lesson and even shared the overview of the story (prior to the Bible Story discussion itself). In KFC (Kentucky Fried Chicken) terms, it was like a Double Down with extra cheese and bacon. I was in total awe afterwards. My mouth was nearly on its nutcracker mode. You see, when we read our Bible and memorize parts of it, we do not only gain head knowledge but we imbibe wisdom coming from God. This wisdom makes us bold enough to share the WORD with others and even step out of our comfort zones. It even comes handy in 911 situations. When we assure ourselves that we are responsible in reading the Bible, we commit to the never-changing truth, which is Jesus. We sought to it that we want to grow deeper in His love. It's telling God that we are also interested much as He is for us. After all, when we don't read the Scriptures we end up like a free-floating lily on a stagnant water just going with its still flow. But when we dwell on God's word, we become a heavy duty boat with an optimal propeller ready to take some action. 

My last story for this entry is about this little boy whom I just formally met last Prayer and Fasting. His adorable cheeks reminded me of this cartoon character I saw in one movie. But more than his physical charm, I was more invited with his brightness. For a 4 year old boy, his imagination and creativity were amusing. I never imagined myself that open and brilliant when I was of same age as he is. To add up, the real attracting force of this small lad was his confidence in worshiping and praising Jesus through songs. I was surprised that he sings and really knew the lyrics of the songs with his hands boldly raised. His energy was full-blast I cannot keep up. But he inspired me to even do crazy acts for God just to show how thankful I am, how I wanted to exalt His name. You see, even kids can do it. That day I learned that there shouldn't be any wall separating us from God every praise and worship. It's because we are His children and we can come before His throne as who we are. 

With this, I encourage the elders not to hold back, manipulate or reverse the faith of the young ones. They are the next generation. In their faiths, let God be GOD. Let us instead guide them, direct them and spur into their hearts how loving Jesus is today, tomorrow and for the rest of time.

Deuteronomy 11:19

Teach them to your children, talking about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.

Matthew 18:10

See that you do not look down on one of these little ones. For I tell you that their angels in heaven always see the face of my Father in heaven. 

Mark 10:14

When Jesus saw this, he was indignant. He said to them " Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these. 

For the next few weeks, I'm sure that I will not be craving for chicken alone but for kids whose faith in Christ is inspiring and motivational.

Sealing this with love,

Diane